The Search for Experience

That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death (Phil. 3:10, KJV)

Josephine Scaggs, according to Henry Blackaby, used this statement from the New Testament to summarize her “commitment to knowing and doing God’s will.”

As I allow this study (Experiencing God) into my heart, I am struggling hearing God’s Will. There is plenty that I have identified as where I have done poorly: my failings this year to obtain and maintain a group from NCSSM, my own commitment to the Wesley Fellowship at Duke, my commitment to tithing and making time for the callings of the Church outside Sunday Morning. I am working on each of these and at least one probably requires me to get assistance from my pastor. I guess I should send her an email.

I struggle so much with knowing and doing his will that the scripture above reads as if it was a foreign language. I mean I know what the words mean, but have a hard time understanding them together and even more so, I struggle with how they apply to Blackaby’s application to Scaggs. Maybe I should research Scaggs and see if I am called to do something as a result. At the same time, I have a large pile that grows of things I want to do (especially reading) to enhance my relationship with a real and living God.

The CEB translation of the scripture reads as “The righteousness that I have comes from knowing Christ, the power of his resurrection, and the participation of his sufferings. It Includes being conformed to his death” and continues in verse 11 with “so that I may perhaps reach the goal of the resurrection of the dead.”

This is certainly less cryptic to me, but it does not have the same character as the King James or even the NIV. The Message has the extended verse as such, “I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself. If there was any way to get in on the resurrection from the dead, I wanted to do it.” Again the character is different, but it is a little more discernable. I think it all boils down to giving your entire life to God and his Glory through Christ. As Christ asks (in Luke) for his disciples to take up his cross; ultimately for them to share in his message. I must remove myself and become serious about my relationship with God. Then there will not be my insecurity and reluctance as I witness to and about his power.

So it is clear to me, after rambling and flipping pages to various translations, that first of all, I must ask Martha the questions I need to and that she and I have skirted around. Secondly, I am probably being called into a deeper understanding of this Scaggs character. If anyone has a good resource on her mission work, please let me know.

The Roman Centurion

⁵When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. ⁶"Lord," he said, "my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering."

⁷Jesus said to him, "I will go and heal him."

⁸The centurion replied, "Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. ⁹For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one, 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it."

¹⁰When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and said to those following him, "I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. ¹¹I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. ¹²But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

¹³Then Jesus said to the centurion, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would." And his servant was healed at that very hour.

-Matthew 8-5-13 (NIV)

I am in the middle of a Bible study entitled Experiencing God. It has been a powerful experience that has adjusted the way I look at my faith. It has also brought me closer to god. On top of working on this study everyday, I have taken up various daily readings to help keep the spirit active in my thoughts throughout the day.

One of these readings is a chapter in the New Testament everyday. It should be obvious how far I am from this verse. What strikes me is the synchronicity at work in my life and at the church.

Asbury is at a crossroads. Our new pastor has done much to bring in new folks and extend the ministry of the church. However, it is still an aging congregation. Cancellations of Tree Sales and a huge budget shortfall for the year concern me.

I, of course, am taking stock in how I add to this problem and am in prayer constantly to help me do what I can. However, the Tree Sale in particular concerns me. It is a tradition and we are having a hard time creating new traditions. This should not be a surprise in a year when we held no Vacation Bible School and are now cancelling another annual fundraiser with the excuse of manpower.

It's funny to me, because the very first page of the very first lesson of Exploring God discusses a spiritual budget and it was at a multi-church event at Asbury that I heard the phrase "God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called."

Of course, I have my own faith problems. However, I am only so hardheaded. I have been beat over the head in the last year or so with "active missioning" and I thought that what I do for and through the church should be enough. A crisis of faith has arisen and I have been disobedient to God's will. It is high time I was not just open about my faith, but offering my witness as it comes to me.

I started this blog as a reaction to an experience given from the grace of god, but have let it lay fallow. How sad. The tools were right there, waiting for me to use them.

So what does this all have to do with this scripture? The Roman should not have even come to Jesus, but he did. So powerful was his faith that he went against the teachings of his own land and sought this messiah. So strong was his faith that when Jesus offered to come to his aid, the Centurion declined. Jesus had more important things to be doing. Better places to be. There was no need for him to be present in the healing, he could do the will of God from anywhere, his father was all powerful. His father had brought this man to him, after all! No, Jesus could do it and not waste the time. Jesus is astonished at this man's faith and points it out to his followers. No wonder he was testy in the Gospel According to John. His disciples needed to see things, but this one Roman had extraordinary faith that Jesus could work his miracles despite his place and time and nationality.

Truly, it is not enough to merely do as we have done or as we think we can do. Through Jesus, extraordinary things are possible. All he asks is that we believe.

Perceptions are a funny thing.

Perceptions are a funny thing.

This struck me first today as I entered First Baptist Church in Hillsborough. The occasion was a memorial service for one Clarence L. Newman, my father’s father.

It struck me because the last time I had stepped in that church, I couldn’t have been more than 12 years old and it seemed like such a big church at the time. With its high ceilings, adequate balcony, and the throne where the pastor sat in front of a nice sized Choir Loft seated under a Baptismal Pool.

When today, it seemed so small. Smaller than the sanctuary at Asbury United Methodist where I regularly attend. Maybe even half the size. But then, I was probably half the size.

It struck me again as I noticed all the people that attended the ceremony. Friends from my current congregation, family I had not seen in years and members of First who had been touched by the life of my Grandpa.

I was never close to my Grandpa. He was a curmudgeonly sort. Not unlike me today. I always remember him being old, even though I have seen pictures of him with me that show that he clearly wasn’t always as old as I remembered. He didn’t get past the sixth grade and had a severe hearing deficiency which required him to use powerful hearing aids that changed in sizes throughout the years. He was a loud man, prone to complain about things that he didn’t understand and I remember him being a bit of a bigot.

After he retired; he became fairly active in his church and made a name for himself passing little cartoons to people here and there. You would see them at the cash register when you went to K&W and other places he frequented. He gave them freely but always wanted to make sure that you got one that you wanted, one you would hold on to.

Knowing that he and his wife were miserly with their money, I always figured that was because he didn’t want his money to go to waste. But listening to the folks of the church, my father, my uncle and the pastor of the Church speak about him today, I learned about a side of him I had missed through my childhood shyness and the way I was timid around the man who even wanted my female cousin to grow up tough.

I learned that he wanted to make sure that you got the piece of him that meant something to you. Because, every one of the drawings meant something to him. He spent so much of his time drawing them, photocopying them and coloring them and it became apparent listening to the stories that these drawings had touched these people in a way that they had never touched me.

Now that the world is smaller place, I wish I had spent a little more time getting to know the man that so many talked about today.